How to Get out of the Friend Zone

Plus, why you're there...and how to avoid it.

Written by on August 8, 2016

Published in Dating, Females, Insights

how to get out of friend zone


Escaping The Friend Zone


God, I wish I could find a guy like you!

Your brain is imploding, trying to compute this piece of chick logic. But I’ll tell you exactly what it means:

You’re in the Friend Zone.  This means it’s time for you to learn what the friendzone is and breakdown the age old question, ” Why am I stuck in the friend zone?” Well, for one f you are wondering, “Does she like me more than a friend?” in the first place…….then yup, you’ve been friendzoned.

Discovering you’re in the friend zone with a girl you’ve got the hots for is a lot like finding out you have a terminal illness. Except sometimes the friend zone is worse, because this disease won’t kill you—but it will make you suffer for the rest of your life.

But if you find yourself getting friend-zoned over and over again, it’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to take action. It’s time to know how to break the friend barrier. But how the hell do you actually get out of the friend zone?

You probably feel like blaming the girl, maybe you feel like blaming yourself. Maybe you’re cursing God for your abundance of female friends and lack of female girlfriends.

I want to give you some tough love—nobody just ‘winds up’ in the friend zone.

But there’s also a silver lining. Because friendzoning isn’t spontaneous or accidental, that means we can take steps to avoid the Friend Zone altogether.

But before I unveil the game plan for skipping the friend zone, it’s crucial that we understand WHY women use the friend zone on their lucky male buddies.


how to escape the friend zone


What Is the Friend Zone?


Here’s the quick and dirty definition:

The Friend Zone is where women leave good guys they have no chemistry with.

Women today receive so much attention from the opposite sex that they are totally spoiled for choice when it comes to dating. They even talk to eachother on how to friendzone a guy. They have this down to an art!

Tinder. Facebook. Bars. Friends of friends. The gym. The list goes on and on.

If a mildly attractive girl posts a picture on Facebook, odds are she gets at least a hundred comments from lonely guys saying sappy shit like “Oh my gosh you are beautiful, you need to go into modeling!”

In the past, people weren’t nearly as connected. 500 years ago, you courted and married people in the same town as you. But in the last century, advancements like the telephone, car, and internet mean horny singles are colliding with each other more often than the air molecules entering your lungs right now.

It is what it is.

The problem (for you) is that the guys and girls at the top of the food chain can now be extremely selective.

Think of your crush right now. I promise, you would be absolutely shocked if you knew how many men tried to flirt with your girl on a daily basis. Those are her options, and those are your competition. This is a crucial fact if you must grasp on your question for understanding how to not get friendzoned and avoiding the friendzone altogether.

And that leads us to the 3 main reasons why girls put guys in the Friend Zone. Reasons you must understand if you hope accomplish the legendary feat of getting out of the friend zone if you already find yourself in this god-forsaken land of self deprecation and hentai porn.

1. You’re Not Her Type

Not all women are callous succubi, capturing vulnerable men in a web of will-she-won’t-she, purely for her own ego.

(Don’t go down that route. Once you start hating women, you’ve already lost.)

Guess what, Huge Jackedman? Even if you have a body sculpted by the ancient Greeks, make 8 figures, bump lines of coke on your private jet, and you’re 7 feet tall with a foot-long cock, not EVERY woman is going to swoon over you.

Hell yes, you have a leg up on the competition. But the point is, some people just don’t mix. Show me your 10/10 bombshell, and I’ll find you a guy who thinks she looks like a gremlin. Show me your perfect housewife, and I’ll find a guy who’s bored to tears with her.

Women are the same. If she’s really just not into you romantically, there’s nothing you can do. Don’t get hung up on it, bud.

2. She Just Wants Attention

Remember when I said not all women are evil witches?

Well, some are.

These girls are the ones who look for gullible guys on Tinder, fleece them for an expensive dinner, and delete their number. These girls string you along for sport.

Imagine a cat playing with a dead mouse. You’re the mouse.

Attention whores are perhaps the most toxic type of people on the planet. Being sucked into the orbit of a narcissistic woman is often difficult to spot when you’re the one being affected, especially if you like her.

You can’t win here. There’s no turning the table and making this kind of girl your girlfriend, not that you’d want to anyway. While you’re wasting time sending her sweet text messages and taking her out to dinner, she’s texting her alpha bad boy to come over later after your date.

It’s the truth. If that makes you uncomfortable, keep reading. There’s hope.

3. YOU Made a Mistake

Harsh headline, but this category of friendzoning is the easiest to avoid AND the only one we can fix.

The vast majority of girls put guys in the Friend Zone because of this reason—you had some initial chemistry, some faint spark, but you killed the interaction in some way. She likes you, but you just don’t make her ‘feel’ like you’re dating material.

No, you’re not a moron. You’re not hopeless. Every single guy has fucked up trying to flirt with a girl at some point, from Casanova to Leo DiCaprio to your dad. But we can learn from their mistakes.

The rest of this article is devoted to getting out of the Friend Zone with this category of women.

But enough doom and gloom. Here’s your map around—and out of—the Friend Zone.


how to stay out of the friend zone


How To Avoid The Friend Zone


Step 1: Remain Calm

You’ve been hovering around this girl for months, and you’re finally ready to make a move. You are frantically googling, ” How to make a move on a friend?” because you suspect you may already be stuck in the friend zone….

Hey Lisa, I just had to tell you something…I really like you. Would you like to see a movie later? If not, it’s OK.

Writing that made me nauseous, but I’ll try to summon the strength to continue.

Oh…oh. I…look, you’re a really nice guy. But I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

You feel your soul leaving your body, and your life flashes before you. Staring into the eyes of your unrequited love is like staring into the cold, dark abyss.

Put your balls back on. Odds are, this stage of the game has already passed. But listen up so you’re prepared next time.

Over the next few days, weeks, months…even years…your rational male brain is going to come up with a 12-point argument for why you guys are a perfect match. You might try to persuade her with this argument. When you get really desperate, you might even beg.

Don’t. Ever. Beg. 

This is crucial for knowing how to go from friend zone to relationship.

Begging, pleading, crying—these are the least manly tactics you could ever employ. They scream neediness, and women totally shut down and shut out needy men. If I was a woman, I would be SCARED of needy guys. It’s just not natural behavior.

So what do you do instead?

Shrug it off!

You HAVE to play it cool, or you can kiss your chances with this girl bye-bye. Being in the Friend Zone is already skating on thin ice, so let’s err on the side of caution.

Don’t text her later that night with a kissy face, don’t smother her with attention. Just leave her alone. Act like nothing happened.

Step 2: Improve Thyself

Since we aren’t focusing on her anymore, now we can focus on you. 

YOU are the most important person in your life. When you can rely on yourself, the other pieces of your life will fall into place. Improving yourself to be the best man you can be naturally makes other men and women want to be friends with you or want to date you. Spend some time finding crafting your sense of self and dig around the internet for cool shit you like.

Self-improvement is sexy.

Self-improvement deserves its own article(s), but here are the basics:

  • Go to the gym and eat right. A strong, lean body is a masculine body.
  • Pursue your passions. Women love passionate men in all aspects of life.
  • Don’t forget your brain. Never stop learning.

Girls are attracted to healthy, passionate men who can keep an interesting conversation going. Luckily, these are all things you can change about yourself—notice I didn’t say ‘become 6 inches taller,’ did I?

Step 3: Date Other Girls

Date other girls? But I want THIS girl!

Quite the conundrum. But this girl doesn’t want you (yet), and I’m not letting you mope in bed for the rest of your life.

You must pursue other women, period. You’re not in a relationship, so how can she get mad at you? You’re a free man.

Let me explain why you need to get back on the dating market. First of all, it will do wonders for your self-confidence. Nothing will make you feel like a million bucks after a rejection than going on a few dates. Trust me. Plus dating other girls allows for practicing the ways to keep a girl interested like asking good questions. Skills you can hone on other women and execute with precision on the ones putting you in this god awful friend zone.

The other reason is that your dream girl WILL find out. And this is a good thing.

You want her to know you’re a busy man, and you’re in demand. If other women want a piece of the action, it makes your crush feel like she made a mistake. She’ll start to wonder, and that’s how we start to win.

When you continue to live a life of celibacy in devotion to your crush, she knows she owns you. You aren’t going anywhere. You’re her shoulder to cry on, the one to bring her Chinese food when she’s sick. You must break free from this prison.

Dating other girls and generally making yourself unavailable to her emotionally will make her feel like she’s losing you. Logically this makes little sense, because you aren’t together anyway. But emotionally, it makes perfect sense.

Plus, the other side effect of going on dates is that you get a hell of a lot better at flirting, and…

Step 4: Ignite the Fire

Practice is the path to mastery. I’m not expecting you to become a Don Juan after a few dates, but by now you should be much, much better at talking to girls. Plus if you ever end up putting a ring on any of these females your chasing, all this advice for avoiding and getting out of the friendzone overlaps with how you keep your bride interested in sex.

At this point, you’re ready to try flirting with your crush again. Just remember, this is a completely different attempt. Never acknowledge the fact that you’ve had a thing for her all this time—go in with the mindset that you forgot about her, but now have more time in your busy, interesting life for a woman.

Make her feel lucky to talk to you.

I recommend checking out our flirting guide for the full rundown, because there’s way too much to cover here.

Here’s the gist—through gradual escalation via light teasing, innocent touching (such as brushing your hand across her shoulder innocently while talking) and sincere compliments, you’re looking for a change in her behavior.

Whenever she starts flirting back, smiling and laughing more, it’s game on.

At this point you will casually ask her out again.

Hey, let’s grab some drinks.

Simple. Done. Nothing fancy. That’s all she wrote.

Step 5: Use Restraint

Never revert to your old ways, or you will suffer dearly.

If at any point you become needy or turn into a wimp during this process, you will fail and cause irreparable damage to your escape tunnel from the Friend Zone.

The whole point of these steps is to become a better, more confident man for yourself. You’re becoming the best version of yourself you can be. If a woman wants to be a part of the fantastic life you’ve built, it’s your call whether to let her in or not.

This is a total life transformation, not a quick tactic you can try out for a little while. It takes commitment.

Last Resort: Be Friends, or Don’t

Even if you do everything right, you might still fail. And that’s OK. Think of it like this…if you did everything I told you to do, you didn’t get the girl you wanted. But you did:

  • Drag yourself out of depression.
  • Improve your body, your mind, and your life.
  • Meet and date a handful of other great girls and improve your flirtation abilities.

If you follow this advice, you really do have a shot at winning the girl. But I want to let you in on a little secret…

The vast majority of men who take this approach realize that they don’t even want the original girl anymore.

Instead, you’re armed with the skills and know-how to attract a ton of different girls, not just the former crush of your dreams.

If you’re wondering how to get out of the friend zone, I sincerely believe this article will help you claw your way out. It’s just that your destination might be a little different.

And that, to me, is totally worth it.

About Lance Rockwell